Happy Birthday Bamhannigles….it’s been 3 years…for those of you who dont know, Joel is my little brother from another mother.  Who would of thought a sensitive little emo hood kid would become one of the dearest people to my soul.  One may wonder why I am choosing to write a blog about Joel Aaron Munoz…truth be told, I have no  idea.  I promise you its no homo stuff.  But truth be told that  is the amazing thing about my friendship with Joel, it’s never really made sense, or been about us.

Bams, it all started at your HS graduation which I attended not to see you.  But everyone from our church yelled for him, so i figured what the hell might as well join.  Then I saw him at care group and instantly my heart was knit to his.  He mentioned not having a Bible, so I bought him one.  I wrote a note in there and I cant remember what exactly I said but i know i wrote down, “No warrior is complete without a sword.”  And that’s where it all started; with a sword.  Outside of my wife and parents, Joel to this day has been the single most influential part in the sharpening of my sword so to speak.  He’s part of the iron that sharpens my iron.  Ironic huh?

Our relationship started out as a mentorship.  Sort of like taking him under my wing (because obviously he needed some help in the swag area haha).  And yes that element will always exist simply because I am further along in life experience, but I have been blessed with an incredible friendship to Joel.  Every so now and then people come across your path and change your world.  Ive been blessed to have several people do this in my life but since its his bday we will focus on Joel.

They say all good things have balance.  I’m a better man for having a friend in Joel.  He brings balance to my life.  I’m a better husband, father, friend, brother, and son because of Joel. I can say were soulmates.  My wife is my bride.  And were one.  But Joels and my heart are knit in a different manner.  2 individuals with like purpose, vision, and heart.  That’s a soulmate.  Me and my wife share one soul.  Its different.

Joel is a lover.  First and foremost when you meet Joel you know he loves his Jesus.  Joel loves his family.  I’m blessed to be in that family.  Joel loves my children as much as I do and I dont doubt that one bit.  Joel loves my friends simply because I do.  Joel loves me, flawed and all.  My favorite Bible story is David and Jonathan.  Joel is the epitome of an armor bearer.  I’m blessed because so many times I sit and think about our friendship and I think people pray for friends like this….literally…to have someone that truly is just down to roll with the punches of life and be able to bear your soul to and what not.

It’s been a journey.  And it’s still going.  To imagine having a friendship with someone with the qualities of Joel just blows me away.  I can only laugh when I think about how different we are.  He’s sensitive and wears his emotions on his sleeve.   I’m blunt and reserve emotions pretty much to myself.  Our whole thought processing system and cognitive gifting is such a contrast, it really is the grace of God that we’re in each others lives.  Joel said the other night, kind of quoting me but none the less, that the “Gospel puts us all on the same playing field.”  And it truly does.  It neglects personality and background; it doesn’t care about economic class or education; and the Gospel doesn’t care about style or trends.  It cuts straight to the heart.  And that’s where our friendship began and continually resides, in the heart. I guess one would call it “gospel-centered” friendship, but that just sounds stupid to me.  Sorry.  I call it being boys.  ’Nuff said.

So, Happy Birthday to Bamhannigles.  Even though sometimes it’s a trip and feels like a struggle, it’s always a blessing to have a friend in you.  I really am better for having known you.  For those of you who don’t know, Joel is gonna die rather early (according to him) and I am going to write a book about him so people will truly get to know what I think is an often misunderstood individual.  I guess we can save this for the introductory chapter; because the depths of my love and appreciation for such a partner in life simply could not be contained in a blog.  Much Love Bams.  Ride or Die.

It’s my birthday…ringing it in my favorite way…enjoying some steel, listening to some good music and  chillin in my boom boom room with a year’s worth of reflection to write about….what a year…Tyrone Wells (quite possibly my favorite music artist) has a new song called “Time of our Lives” and it just rocks my world.

The thing I’ve learned the most this year about myself is that I love people.  All sorts of people.  I attach quickly (im picky though) and love hard.  Sometimes to a flaw…But it really is the dynamic of interpersonal relationships that astound me the most.  The fact that people can be brought together and just click in a moment or take years to get to a level of comfort blows me away.  The wide spectrum of how friendships begin simply intrigues me. In the song i mentioned earlier, the artist talks about how people are in each others lives for a set period of time or a phase but those memories stick.  But when we look back on those times, we can say that we were having the time of our lives.  Ive been blessed to have the time of my life in every phase and could never forget each face left behind so to speak.

As I’m “aging” it makes me remember past times.  And I feel blessed to say that every phase really was the time of my life.  From high school friends to my amazing college crew to the circle of peers I have now; theyve all made each year the time of my life.  Add an  amazing wife, the coolest son and the fact that my 27th year could very likely start with the birth of my daughter, all I can say is that Im blessed.

This year I failed tremendously, and I rejoiced triumphantly.  I became a dad.  I’m still learning what it means to husband.  I’ve become  a “church leader.”  I’m learning what it truly means to be intentional.  I’m about to have a DAUGHTER (holy sh*t…pray for her). I’ve lost and gained.  I know now more than ever that I am loved and desired by the Creator of all things.  I have a group of people around me everyday that know the love of Jesus and are on a mission to do nothing but spread that love to the city of Stockton.  I really could write a blog about my inner circle.  And it would be articulate and precise and definitive, but you still could not truly understand how my heart aches and groans to see them succeed in life and how proud I am of them. But I will say thank you to Joel, Bubba, Dough, Dbar, Scuba, Tyler and Josh.  You bless me more than I could ever tell you.  Actions speak louder than words.  We do life.  Its that simple.  I should add J-No to this because shes practically one of the guys and bless your soul for being willing to hang out with some dudes like us.  You make it fun and keep us guys level headed!  And Chad…love you man…and to Whitney, Bethie and Musso; youre friendship to my partner in life has been an incredible blessing to me.  And youre friendship and generosity touches me more than you know.  My children are blessed to have some incredible extra “aunties” alongside my sister Camille and brother Jefe.  You all bless me and astound me that youve stuck around and been by our side for this long.  I couldnt see my life without you guys.

Having been an athlete and coach, I feel I understand the importance of practice.  This year I think I got a lot of practice for things to yet take place.  I had a conversation with 2 of my “family” members, Joel and Amanda Musso.  We talked about life and love and the whole  time I was thinking to myself, “wow in like 18 years i will be having these conversations with my OWN children.”  I get practice everytime I talk to Bubba about college or girls and everytime I talk about how crazy life is to my good friend Joy.  I get practice when I lead home group with my incredible high school group and they ask the most sincere and genuine questions about life and love and church and people and friends.  I’ve decided to embrace those moments.  I cherish them.  And i get the pleasure of walking in this journey with my bride, Amanda.  Even that relationship is a teaching one, because for all the times I fail as a husband i realize how perfect of a husband we have in Christ, as the church.  And even in my small successes as a husband and father, I am reminded of how much greater our Heavenly Father is.  It’s all about people.  It’s about how its all connected.

So 27 it is.  I’m excited.  I have a special place in my heart for the number 27  Let the journey begin.  I thank you all for having been a part of the journey so far.  I beg you not give up on me just yet.  I need you.  I need practice.  I need to keep learning.  I sincerely love you all.  This blog could never express how grateful I am that people would sit in my garage and confide in me or call me to discuss life.  For the youngens’, I promise you that you have all taught me so much more than I could ever give back to you.  To my peers, God bless you for your friendship and never ending faith and trust in me as a friend.  To my family….were  family…that speaks for itself.  To my bride, you’re simply my partner on this journey and were one….none compare….to my children, wow i adore u…to the haters: keep hating…i learn from those moments too!  27 is here…please stick with me on this journey…we will get there….much love…

So in this state of economic  crisis many people in my county have lost their homes.  For awhile we were the number 1 foreclosure county in the country…so sad…i now know what that feels like…lets chat…

No, I’ve never been a homeowner in all actuality.  I’ve never signed a mortgage paper and I’ve never had that horrible feeling of losing my dream home stripped from me due to financial hardship.  And empathy has never been a strong point in my life; but tonight I know how it feels.

You see, I began building a house about 5 years ago.  This house was different than your other homes.  But in many ways alike.  It had a foundation, laid down so intricately by my father.  He laid down the fundamental building blocks.  Poured his heart and soul into this home and upon my graduating I moved home and became a part of what I was certain would be my future home.  So i also labored, sweat, shed tears and even bled in this process of building a solid home.  About a year and a half ago, the house was taken.

I had thought I moved on.  I watched the house go to new owners who neglected the same care and detail that we had invested into the home.  There was no care.  There was no attention to detail.  There was no building.  It became an empty shell.  And tonight I saw the house my father built, the house which was to be mine come full circle and it broke my heart.  Over 9 years of building all to equate to jack shit.  Literally.

Our home had been a refuge; by God’s grace it had been a safe place for people, usually teenage men to come into and be poured into and loved on.  Now it was a dull empty shell.  No joy, no passion, no excitement.  It was definitely not the house I spent hours upon hours laboring to.  There were some familiar guests in this house.  Some I had personally entertained.  Some who had come into my house and just were able to be and be loved on and be taught and grow and learn and be stretched.  Those same guests acted like they had never set foot in my house before.  I was unfortunately disgusted.  Sick to my stomach actually.

Guests had  previously been able to come into my House and be themselves and enjoy it.  Now it seemed laborious and to be honest, quite lame.  What happened to my House?  What happened to the Foundation?  What happened to the drive and passion?  It’s gone.  It’s sad.  Tonight I wept because I lost my House.  Tonight I weep because the guests in my House are lost and dumbfounded and hurt and confused and disillusioned and frustrated but there is nothing I can do because it is no longer my House.  So to them I apologize.  You once had an incredible Home and now it seems like a shack.

In God’s good grace, however, I promise you this much: I will build another HOUSE one day.  And this house will not be perfect; but it will be real.   And my guests will love it and it will have a foundation and it will stand out.  I will own this house outright one day and no bank or lender will be able to take it.  It will stand for truth and loyalty and fundamentals and community.  It will be a house built upon principles that last much longer than the house itself.  I will build a house one day; if not for me for my Father.

So although I never signed papers nor had to give up my home, i do know what it feels like to pour into something and have it stripped from you.  So tonight, I empathize with all those who have lost their homes.  I too have lost my house.  And it sucks.  Chin up though, for one day we will have another HOUSE and it will truly be ours.

wow 2 blogs in one day! but i had to write about this…

i took my son on a walk today to the nearby elementary school to let him run around and chill on the courts (so he can be acclimated to the game at a young age )…as i got there 2 little boys came running over from the playground and asked if they could play with my basketball…being the cool old guy i am, i of course obliged their request and we all began playing and chatting while trying to keep an eye on my son…

the elder of the 2 was 7 years old and his younger brother 3…their parents were nowhere to be found…come to find out they are being raised by their mom and older sister…in the middle of this entire convo and shooting hoops and chasing my son around the little one picked up the ball and starting backing in to me…i was thinking “ok ok, little man got some post moves!”  but in actuality he was asking me to pick him up so he could reach the hoop and try to make a shot…i almost lost it right there on the court…my son just kind of looked at me like “uhhh why are you holding this other boy??”  but it has been the prayer of Amanda and I that our children would be lovers of all people…that in the depths of their hearts they would know that all people are loved and desired by God Almighty…

This incident spoke profoundly in the depths of my soul…it screamed GOSPEL GOSPEL GOSPEL…the boldness of this little boy to look up to me and say “hold me, hold me”… that is the same cry of the world i think…desperately seeking and searching for a Savior that would just hold them…the only problem is that most people come with a mindset thinking they need to be clean first in order to be held and loved…when actuality is just like this little dirty kid from the neighborhood…with dirt all over himself and candy stains on his face he just came boldly to me and asked to be held…thats what we have in Jesus…thats the Gospel…just thought you should know…

I’ve recently stepped into various ministry “roles” as of late and it’s got me thinking.  For so long, having grown up “churched” we have this common perception of what it means to be IN ministry.  I went to a Christian university and minored in Youth Ministry and took classes on it and have been to leadership conferences on ministry and it seems like I’m saturated in a church culture of ministry and have been for my entire life.  As I’ve taken on these new roles of overseeing the college and HS ministries at my church home and being a part of the temporary board while we wait on the Lord to provide full time staff it has been so crazy.  I know for a fact that the Lord has called me into this role for the time being and I am taking it very seriously.  I have taken a personal responsibility for the lives of the young people the Lord has placed in our “ministry” and I know the Lord holds me accountable for each conversation, lesson taught, but most importantly for the life i live that they see.  But that’s not the point here today…

I have over half a dozen close friends in similar ministries.  And what a blessing to hear from them and see the things the Lord is doing all over the place.  We “grew up” together and I simply can not express how crazy it is to see how the grace of God has transformed these men and is using them/us for His glory.  We have been through the trenches together and done life together for at least 8 years now; which isnt too shabby considering most of us are all 26 right now.  So what’s the point?  The point is that ministry is LIFE.  We have been ministering to one another since we were freshman in college and now we’re all ministering to those behind us in life.  We are doing life with these kids and just living for the glory of God and LIVING the Gospel rather then just knowing it.  From pulpits, to classrooms, to locker rooms, to garages, to coffee shops and living rooms we are CALLED to ministry. And likewise so are you.  Even if God has not called you to a leadership role by the standards of a typical church, you have been called to live a life of service to our King.

My favorite part of being involved with college ministry is that ever so present looming of the unknown that is ahead of them.  They are in a place of uncertainty as they try to figure out career paths and education choices and relationship adventures!  How incredible and at the same time unsettling those days are.  The greatest part of the whole process is the fact that in the midst of that unknown there is a very real and certain call and that is to live the Gospel everyday.  That is to be relational and to love others.  That is to speak truth and stand up for justice.  That is to have a voice of reason amongst the scoffers and the seeking of their generation.  That is to live in and GIVE out the GRACE that has been bestowed  to us. This is my heart’s cry for this next generation.  Oh to see a group of individuals raised up to be businessmen, teachers, spouses, doctors, nurses, janitors, athletes, students, gardeners, mothers and even pastors set ablaze and on a mission to be the image of Christ in their respective fields of work.

So that is my ministry; better yet this is my life.  This is my calling.  To help equip the saints to spread the gospel.  My calling is different and it requires a different burden and sacrifices.  My LIFE is not meant to be lived for only me and that’s ok because the good Lord has called me to this place and even when i try to fight it I remember it is in His will that I am most content and joyful.  Ministry is self-less.  Back to my guys, my armor bearers so to speak: the most self-less men I have yet to meet in my entire life.  Living life and raised up to be ministers, these men daily encourage me and help me press forward in the work of the Lord.  I only pray you too will have this.  Look around you.  In order to effectively minister, you need partners.  We do not do this alone.  David had his mighty men.  Jesus had 11.  Paul had a few.  It is inevitable.  I beg you to surround yourself with those who first and foremost love Jesus Christ.  And I’m not talking about loving the idea of Him.  But having had experienced that LOVE that they have been altered.  They have been made new.  Find your band of brothers (or sisters) and start doing life.  I pray you find this.  I pray you can know the love of a brother’s stern rebuke and the joy of a brother’s encouragement and uplifting with the you know what hits the fan.  I promise you, you will need it.  This is the start to any ministry.  The first thing Jesus did was call his disciples.
That’s all for now.  That’s where I’m at and in my ministry.  I love you all.

So today is my 2 year anniversary to my bride Amanda.  And what an incredible and amazing journey and process it has been!  I am so blessed to wake up each and everyday with her.  Since it is our anniversary I found it fitting to blog about my pooks and babygirl;  my bride.

She is beautiful.  Not only in that crazy physical attractive manner that I still to this day am appealed by and drawn to but in that captivating and enveloping beauty.  It is the way she listens that is beautiful and the way she gracefully puts together her thoughts and the way her mind processes information is truly a matter of beauty.  She is a conversationalist and I enjoy and cherish the times we just get to talk while going for a walk or just chilling at home.  She listens and sympathizes and feels and contributes and always has a genuine pouring out of her heart.  I love talking with her and our conversations are beautiful.

She is a mother.  She nurtures and cares, almost to a flaw.  She gets no sleep, is carrying our second child and has to chase around our crazy 10 month old son around all day.  The thing about this is she exhibits a strength like none other.  The love she has for our son is something that daily blows me away.  Yes, she has her moments where I have to take my son out of the room or call CPS but the way she cherishes and loves him is truly amazing.  Young men, please remember while youre dating that someday the prospect has the potential of raising your children.  How wonderful to go to work each day knowing I am leaving my son in the care of his wonderful mother and a woman that is going to teach him how to be a man and raise him up as a mighty man of valor.  To know she will lay down her own thoughts or philosophies to teach him at a young age that he is called to be a MAN!  That is what I find so astonishing each and everyday.  As much as I am there and going to be there, the truth of the matter is she is the one primarily raising him and I can trust and rest assured she will guide him to Jesus as that prototype man.

My bride is a lover.  She sincerely and truly loves people. Fellas, please do not kid yourself into thinking that you will change a woman.  If she is a girl that always has drama with girls and people and is a gossiper then you have to cut it loose.  My wife loves people and I mean all people.  It is difficult sometimes people she loves people I can not stand.  She loves the loner, the outcast, the special needs person, the weak, the strong, the broken and the blessed.  She not just loves from a distance but is willing to pour out the love she has been blessed with to anyone and everyone.  I am blessed to be the primary recipient each and everyday.  I take it for granted many times, but I am so blessed to experience and know that love each and everyday.

I could write all night about the qualities and traits of my bride, Amanda.  For the sake of time I close on this…my wife is completely secure in the love of Christ.  She understands she is a daughter of the King and she is His prized possession.  If a girl doesn’t know this she is simply not ready to be loved by a man.  My wife finds her all in all in the love and grace of Jesus and knows He is her Ultimate Assurance.  She loves her Jesus and pursues and chases hard after Him.  She loves His Word and daily dwells in it.  My bride clings and holds to the promise of her Savior.

Amanda: Happy 2nd Anniversary.  I love you with my whole heart and soul.  I am blessed to be your beloved and cherish you.  We have grown and been through so much the past couple of years and I love how we continue to grow and become one flesh and one mind.  I can only imagine the next 2 years and how the Lord will develop our love and deepen it and strengthen it.  You are my partner in life, ministry and everything.  Your daily support, encouragement and love truly push me to be a better man and to know the love of my Lord even more.  My prayer is that you would know my love for you and that you would continually be driven to love of Christ and walk in that Romance first and foremost.  I love you.

Guys reading this: I pray you would have the strength to follow after Jesus first and foremost and let Him teach you how to be a lover.  What better picture do we have as a groom then the Groom himself.  I pray you would not sell yourself short and that you would be a generation insistent of the protection and guardianship of young women’s heart, body and soul.  I pray you would find not just a wife, but a bride.  That you would not merely find a girlfriend but a Partner.  That you would not only fall in love but would understand how to live in the Love you have been given.  Much love.  Be Bold, Speak Truth, Spread Love.

Do you ever wonder what makes a moment a moment?  Like the feeling you get when you hear the first note of one of your favorite songs; or smelling your favorite food when you walk into a home.  The moment when you realize that Someone created the beauty around you or you realize that the only true eternal things in this life are faith and relationships and the Word.  It’s in these moments that I feel most alive.  Here are my moments:

The smell of fresh brewed coffee made by my bride when I wake up.  The smile my son has upon my arrival home.  Seeing my wife tend to my son with such care and nurture.  The first sip of a good Riesling or Merlot.  Seeing friends just be friends in the most random events.  The initial excitement of getting “on the road”.  The joy of returning Home.

Over the past few weeks I have been so blessed to enjoy such moments.  I was in LA recently for a wedding and as usual I got to spend some time with my beloved friends from college.  So what’s the substance of a moment?  This moment consisted of Jack Daniels, Marlboro 27′s, martinis, beer (on tap), and probably some cheap vodka.  No I did not drink all those things as I was focused primarily on Jack and Coke but these were the beverages shared amongst the peers.  One might say these were simply a catalyst for the moment.  We laughed and loved.  We reminisced and joked.  We talked about church, careers, marriage, kids, boyfriends, girlfriends, music, ministry, sports, heartbreak, big decisions and stupid things we do on a daily basis.  At one point I had to sit back and just think, “Damn, I’m blessed.”  I have had the privilege to walk-through life with these people and share my heart with them.  I have the honor of being rebuked and discipled by them.  The joy of being told “I love you.”  The pain but appreciation of being told, “Chris-stop acting like an idiot!”  I love these people.  I love Sean Davis’ pure honesty and watching him grow into a husband (although wishing he was a father too!).  I love to see him and his bride enjoying marriage and the journey.  I love complete transparency of Rebecca, and her real struggles with life and love.  I love that these are my friends.  These are my partners, my peers, my friends, my beloveds!  Truely this was a moment, a reunion of sorts, but it was real and it was love; it was life lives to the fullest and Jesus was there and was the center.

Fast-forward two weeks.  I’m at wingstop with 2 of my guys: Bam and Casticles.  Two college aged guys who I have the honor of serving and serving with in ministry at church.  They are small group leaders of our youth ministry that I happen to oversee.  They are in the process right now and in the journey of getting to that place I mentioned earlier.  That place of vulnerability and reality to where we live and joke and laugh and rebuke and uplift.  This was a moment where you see life come full circle.  I remember being places at 21 with my boys just talking until 3 am and doing life.  What a moment to see all those times we have been just “hangin out” and doing life come full circle.  I got to see peers become friends.  And two friends become brothers and to be a part of it.  It’s not  perfect but it’s real.  It’s not flawless but Blessed.  This was the moment it hits you that you’re doing life and that life is good.  It’s good when lived with others, and shared with others.

I pray these moments continue.  Tell me your moment.  I pray to never miss a moment.  Be in the moment and see the moment.  Live not for the moment but live IN it.  It’s too good to miss.  It’s life.